Emotionally uninvolved parents

My mother was having her lunch with me and my sister in a Thai restaurant. When has she become a messy eater? During the last four years there has been a gradual change in her. She has stopped dyeing her hair. At first glance it is not the almost unlined face that ages her; it’s her demeanor that has brought about the change. She is acting like an old woman with Alzheimer but she doesn’t have Alzheimer.

The rice on her plate was falling over the edge and even found its way to the floor. When we were little and let this happen we would have earned ourselves a beating. The punishments varied as they played accordingly to her moods. The most severe one was when my father was around. It was like she wanted to inflict pains on her chosen victim in order to get a reaction from him. To the unlucky child’s bewilderment there was no paternal rescue but only a show of indifference. He did nothing to stop her. Until now my siblings still cannot fathom his unthinkable behavior. I have my own theory. As far as I’m concerned, it’s unfinished business when he took with him to the grave whatever explanation he had.

Now looking at the frail old woman, nobody can imagine she could be so fierce and unfeeling when she meted out those punishments. She would lunge after her child and land heavy blows on her face and head. When she got tired she would yank the helpless child down and then sit on her so that she could rain more blows on her body. Sometimes she battered the child against the wall. Her child’s tear-filled and pleading eyes couldn’t move her. She was totally possessed by her rage. Instead of venting her anger on her husband she was doing it on her child.

My sister mostly got the brunt of her anger; to this day she has been getting nightmares of our mother attacking her. For reasons of her own she seldom picked on our brothers. In her fiery days, she never did apologize for anything. When we were older she did try to put into our minds that whatever beatings we had got were imaginary than real. We even heard her mention to people that she had never lifted her fingers to injure any of her children.

In her mind she believes she has done no wrongs or wicked deeds as it has always been somebody’s faults. Hence, she always feels unhappy and discontented. She carries this unhappiness and discontentment to everywhere she goes. She is more wronged than she has wronged. She has never been good in taking advice as she always wants her own ways. Now in her old age she has selective hearing and what she doesn’t choose to hear, she blames on her failing hearing and eyesight. She is depressed and it shows in her present state of mind. Methinks she has gone through life without seeing and enjoying the positives in life.

Her saving grace is that she was a filial daughter and now she has filial children. In all honesty we don’t think we do it out of love. It is a sense of duty that holds us to her.
Methinks people who don’t have maternal or paternal love for children shouldn’t have children. Innocent children don’t have a choice to choose their own parents will go through hell when they are given beasts for parents. Is it a bad marriage to an emotionally uninvolved husband that made my mother the kind of mother she once was? Or is it in her genes that made her psychologically unstable? Hmmmmm…….